I believe that I am the last person on earth to know about how ridonkulously awesome these guys are but just in case you haven't seen them I would like to present EPIC MEAL TIME.
*PREPARE YOURSELF FOR COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF MEATY 'OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ARE EATING THAT' GOODNESS, ITS LIKE FOOD PORN CUZ ITS JUST THAT DIRTY*
Time really has no meaning to me. I don't usually know or care what day of the week it is. But this whole week has been nothing but a big steaming pile of exhausting tedious bullshit. You want Friday to hurry up and get here because you just want the week from hell to end and then drown your memory of it in a giant bottle of rum. And that WAS my plan for today. However I got stuck doing something that needed to be done but I didn't like doing it for 13 hours straight and my delightful Friday plans got flushed down the toilet. Now I'm really tired and having to listen to the new neighbour's child screaming in the apartment above me(could be a banshee, not entirely convinced it's a human child yet), the Cat of Mayhem is tearing up everything in sight, there is a horrible taste in my mouth that hasn't gone away even though I have brushed my teeth and I have gas. (which isn't a completely abnormal thing but every time I fart, it smells like someone opened a bag of Lay's Sour Cream N Onion chips and that's just disturbing) And I hate when it's this late and I want Chinese food and pizza. Yes I did say AND not or. What's most disappointing is that I will have to start my day tomorrow with all the chores that didn't get done today because I was somewhere else for 13 hours. I haven't gone grocery shopping so I don't have any bread and can't even make toast. Toast makes me happy. Instead I will brush my teeth again and drink some water and yell at the cat and curse the neighbour and re-live the Friday I didn't get today, tomorrow.
I'd also like to say welcome to my newest and male follower. A very smart and VERY creative young man. You could check out his BLOG. It's uber awesome...
On my way home tonight, a favourite song of mine was playing on the radio. I was singing and 'dancing' along to it when it hit me. I used to go out. I used to go out with friends. I used to go out with friends and DANCE. It would be such fun. Drooling over the guys we thought were hot. Fending off the old creeps and the foreigners that arrived in the country just that afternoon. It was good times. Now the closest I get to those times is when a song comes on the radio and I say to the Kid, "I used to party with K at the clubs to that song." We laugh. Then I sigh with angst and regret. Getting old sucks.
So for old times sake, I'd like to spin a few for my homies.
The lunar cycle. The moon affects a lot of shit, right? Gravity. Tides. The motion and orbit of the earth. Women's cycles. Yes, that's right, women's cycles!! I can feel the full moon yanking at my uterus right now! The last week has been excruciating for me. If it were up to me, I would be screwing someone right now as I'm writing this blog! Just as the craziness of people becomes apparent at the full moon, my vagina has jumped on that band wagon too! I want sex every minute of every day for the past two weeks....and have no boyfriend. Fuck. My. Life.
I have a horrible habit of sleeping with the television on. It's gotten so bad I feel I can't fall asleep without it. In fact I have the TV on for most of the day whether I'm watching it or not. I believe I got this behaviour from the Mother and have also passed it on to the Kid. For this I feel much anger and shame. And it has left me wondering how much television I am really exposed to?
So I thought about it. And the answer to that question is shocking. On average, between actually watching television, having it on for background noise and during sleep, that damn thing is on for approximately 20 HOURS A DAY!! That is beyond disturbing! And what's worse is that at the thought of turning the television off, I'm worried about what I'm going to do with my day?! I will actually have to do something with my day!!! But my fear of change and participating in the world at large aside, I decided to have a look on the internet as to what some of the side effects are of overexposure to television.
In a nutshell, increased amounts of television viewing...
*wrecks your concentration
*desensitizes your brain
*affects learning and memory
*disturbs sleep
*makes you fat
....to name only a few. They left out how it turns you into a big loser.
For the actual article go HERE
Then there's this article that says sleeping with the TV on can bring on depression or worsen existing depression. You can read it HERE
If my TV is on 20 hours a day, it's no wonder then that I'm fat, miserable, depressed and my brain no work....what was I talking about?
Earlier today when I realized the TV was going non stop, I simply turned it off. Keeping it off may prove difficult though. However this is a huge problem that needs some serious attention because it has some serious consequences and not just for me. It's the Kid too. We watch TV before school. We watch TV during meals. We watch TV while (or worse instead of) talking, exercising, working, blogging, socializing, you name it.
It has been used as a fast and easy way to escape my thoughts, my feelings and the outside world for too long. I'm no better or different than an alcoholic. I've been missing out on too much and hurting myself and others while doing it.
So for the greater good, I will take a stand against the addictive destructive boob tube and say YES to unplugging from yet another one of my habits.
Can you imagine if my life got better simply because I stopped watching television? Could it be that easy??
**DISCLAIMER** Blog contains pictures of pitted, blubbery, doughy rolls upon rolls of fat!!
So as my friend K does, when about to reveal unsettling blog-daciousness, I've posted a cute cartoon first...
220 pounds of woman.
93 diets failed.
70 pounds to lose.
12 titties.
3 years of sedentary living.
2 chins.
A lifetime of obesity...
I went out to dinner tonight with the Mom and the Kid. I was hungry. I had a fairly large meal but ended up bringing half of it home with me. Before I even left the restaurant I was uncomfortable and bloated and felt about 50 pounds heavier than I actually am. And I got angry.
I stopped smoking because of the health risks. The picture below has a healthy lung and heart on the left and a diseased lung and enlarged heart on the right.
My overeating, unhealthy diet and total lack of exercise is killing me just as quickly. At least when I smoked I was a little thinner. Instead I look like this...
I'm beefy, bovine, bulky, chunky, corpulent, dumpy, gargantuan, hefty, meaty, paunchy, portly, roly-poly, rotund, thickset or just plain FAT.
But why am I so fat? What got me here? Am I replacing the cigarettes with food? Am I eating my emotions? Am I in need of love and only have food to comfort me? Am I bored? Am I stress eating? Is it my depression? Am I subconsciously protecting myself from external sources of harm? Do I even care why???? In order to break the cycle I'm supposed to care why I eat...but I don't. I simply need to stop. I need to stop before I turn into this...
or this...
This is what I know. I know that a limited, healthy and balanced diet works. I know that exercise works. And I damn well know I can do them. I know I want to wear nice, form fitting clothes that don't have an 'X' on the label. I know I want to wear single digit sized pants. I know I want to wear shorts when it's hot out. I know I want to wear a bathing suit. I know I want a guy to check out my body because he thinks it is sexy and not because he thinks it is huge. I know I want to be fit and healthy. And I know that whatever I put my mind to, my ass will follow.
Today I say YES to saying no to my food addiction.
