This is what happens when the cat wakes you at 5 am...

...you end up watching television and come across things like this...

I swear I thought the music was interesting.

And then there was this one...

it was too early for this shit, I went back to bed...............

Happy Friday!!!

I just can't get enough!!!

DISCLAIMER : Unless you have a sick and twisted sense of humour, can appreciate blood and gore like shits and giggles and have no need for breathing while laughing your ass off....... DO NOT BOTHER WATCHING THE FOLLOWING VIDEO

I love Grandma Norma.

Say YES to peppermint time!

In honour of going camping....again

There are certain things you should NOT buy at the dollar store...

As well as dealing with a cheating, lying, rat bastard (a story that I will share at a later date when I'm not so angry and hurt) this last week I believed I was pregnant.

My period did not arrive. I didn't automatically panic with the absence of this monthly visitor. I usually run two or three days late each month. (not that you really wanted to know) But when there was still no Aunt Flo a week after those two or three days, it became a concern.

So I peed on a stick.

The stick proclaimed me knocked up.

So let's have a look at the situation. I am nearing 40. I have significant mental illness for which I take multiple medications. I have an on-again off-again relationship with a depressed unemployed alcoholic that lives with his parents. We don't always treat each other well. And he has cheated on me. He also has a new girlfriend so I thought my only choice was to terminate the pregnancy. Because unlike other women I know, I refuse to have a child without being in a committed stable relationship.

At first he agreed to support my decision. And even talked about giving up other women because I was more important. Then he accused me of fabricating the whole story in order to get him back. In which he verbally abused me for hours relentlessly making me cry. Do you know how hard it is to convince someone, especially a drunk abusive someone, of something that only you had knowledge of or witnessed?? He says that because he doesn't keep track of my cycle, he wouldn't know that I'm late. He wanted me to prove it by taking another test. He also claimed that since I'm mentally ill, I would have no problem lying about such things. Girls do stuff like this all the time, he says. Well because he was so brutal, I ended up going to the hospital the next day to speak to a crisis worker. He however went running to the girl that he cheated on me with and hasn't left her side since. So much for being there for me.

When I was at the hospital they ordered blood work for me so we could know for sure. They insisted on it actually since I was stupid enough to have purchased the pregnancy test from the dollar store. I should have known better, only three weeks ago I bought two flashlights from a dollar store and only the one worked properly. So in the course of talking to the crisis worker, the nurse came in to give me the news...
NOT PREGNANT.
I immediately broke down, the nurse having to console me saying that tests aren't always reliable. I was so confused and sad and angry. For almost a week I thought I was pregnant and wrestled with the difficult decisions that went along with it. I agonized over it. I stopped eating (for the most part). I thought about killing myself. And had the man that I love treated me horribly and went out of his way to make me feel completely worthless instead of being supportive. And for what? Not a fucking thing.

So I am a crazy desperate woman making up pregnancies in order to continue an abusive relationship with a selfish cheating liar......

...OR.....

did I piss on a bad test?

Well I know the answer to that. Anyone with common sense would too. And I guess it's a good thing that I'm not pregnant, even though secretly it's what I wanted and I'm actually devastated that I'm not having a baby with my Ex. It's one of the things that I wanted out of the relationship with him. Although I never fully admitted it. So I'm left with all these confusing, conflicting feelings only knowing one thing for sure...never buy a pregnancy test from a dollar store.

Say YES to blood tests

Poetry Wednesday

Contusion

by Sylvia Plath

Contusion

Color floods to the spot, dull purple.
The rest of the body is all washed out,
The color of pearl.

In a pit of rock
The sea sucks obsessively,
One hollow the whole sea's pivot.

The size of a fly,
The doom mark
Crawls down the wall.

The heart shuts,
The sea slides back,
The mirrors are sheeted.

The Worm Has Turned....It's Time

Camp Fire

Camping with the Ex

When we were getting back together, before he decided to screw someone else, the Ex and I went on our first trip anywhere together as a couple. The trip was actually quite wonderful for the most part. I must admit I'm slightly bitter looking at these pictures but I choose to not let my indignation towards my Ex and his actions ruin the pleasant memories that I have made.

This is Cash, the most lovable funny dog I know. Look how excited he is to get into the car for the trip.

At the site checking out the wildlife in the bushes...

Expertly stacked wood

The Ex hammering away...

You can't set up camp without wetting your whistle...and soon after I was at the beach!

A totally cool visitor

The Ex lovingly prepared roasted corn-on-the-cob and juicy steaks for us over the campfire. I was so ravenous for its deliciousness that I broke the tines off my fork!

Our first breakfast....

...mmmmm bacon.....

...quite possibly the world's worst coffee.

Our camp fire...

Another delicious meal

Second breakfast

Longest running Rummy (Ramsey if you ask the Ex hahaha) game ever

After two nights and three days of fun, sand, surf, bugs and wild animals in the dark we had one pooped pup. Everyone should go camping at least once in the summer. I'm heading out again in a week.

Say YES to getting your camp on!

Hey it's Wednesday...I smell poetry!

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

Say YES to taking the road less traveled

43?????????!!!!!!

Holy shit!!! I have missed a total of 43 blog posts!! Will I be able to catch up? Who knows. Why have I missed so many? That I know. It's actually very simple.

I got back together with the Ex.

The first week was awesome. The second week was good. So I missed out on posting blogs because of all the fun I was having. But then his same old shit wore down my awesomeness and my mental illness kicked into high gear and we were once again on the bullshit unhealthy roller coaster of a 'relationship' that we were on for the last three years. He doesn't want to work on anything or change anything and I push too hard for the changes. We both feel like we're getting shafted.
So now that I'm not distracted with ridiculous behaviour, both mine and his, I can get back to a steady stream of awesome. My illness is always going to be with me but the people that trigger it don't have to be.
The sickest thing is that I miss him.
Stupid girl...

Oonoggi

How do those ninjas do it in this f*cking heat?!......oonoggi

Say YES to ninja oonoggi

I'm back...

So I took my break and when I was ready to blog, discovered that my internet is not working. So I'm updating from a remote location to inform the masses that even though I completely fell apart once again, I am now on the mend. I have many things to show you, chat up and bitch about and can't wait to get reaquainted.

Say YES to starting over.

TIME OUT

For throwing fits of rage, exhibiting childish behaviour and having serious dark thoughts, I am giving myself a time out.

What a complete fool I am....

A pinch of random

I haven't been using my camera much lately, the shine came off that apple a little bit, if you know what I mean. However a few times I brought it out and dusted it off and this is what I got...

World's Most Mischievous Kitty

Flowers after rain

World's Messiest Sandwich

Damn food baby!!

When it's too hot to cook and I'm tired of salads and sandwiches, it's time for TAKE-OUT!! Chinese food take-out to be exact. And it was good.
And I ate too much....again.
So I have a 'food baby'....again.
Food babies have been around for ages. Ever since the first time a man ever loosened his pants after a big meal and rubbed his gut in appreciation. I find I have them more and more but I think it's just that I have lost the gut capacity of my younger self (I could really put it away back in the day. A night of drinking followed up by the Flying Saucer...you locals know what I'm talking about.) and probably the good old IBS that I got kickin. So I am rocking a solid Chinese food baby, that's only getting worse from all the water I'm having to drink. MSG makes me thirsty, ya know. Of course I know that I get them. It's not a surprise. It's a simple matter of 'Action and Reaction', of 'Consequence" really. So why don't I just stop overeating and save myself the discomfort of a food baby? Well firstly, I know that I will pass said food baby soon enough and secondly, I like eating.
Since I can't share the Chinese leftovers, I'll share a feast of 'Action and Reaction' instead.

OK GO is officially on my list of awesomeness.....

Say YES to letting go of what brings you down...even food babies

Time to get back on the wagon...All Aboard

Thanks to my wonderful illnesses I am needy, unsure, distracted and impulsive. So I get easily hooked on something (even if it is damaging to me) because it feels good at the time and I neglect my responsibilities (like the poor old blog here) and then I feel bad about it... I almost feel like a recovering addict that has slipped up and needs to start fresh once again the morning after.
So here I am having gotten off track from the 'Ultimate Plan for Awesomeness' and I am suffering hard core because of it. Mental illness is a bitch people, a serious bitch. And if you don't stick to the plan and keep on top of things, it will become a life or death situation....it's like watching a train speeding down the tracks bearing down on you and the whole time you're telling yourself "I've been here before. I'll jump out of the way in time." But you don't and you get creamed by the train only to tell yourself in retrospect that you should have known better than to stand on the tracks in the first place.

There are a few trains in my life, there's probably always going to be trains in my life and it's okay for them to be there...but I that doesn't mean I have to stand on the tracks waiting to get creamed.

Say YES to sidestepping the train wreck.

How about a little common courtesy, bitch??

WARNING

This post contains cursing! Like a lot! Really a lot...

I am not perfect. I am not always kind or considerate. I am not compassionate. I have road rage. And I don't like children.

I do, however, say please. And, get this, I say thank you too. I usually follow the rules. And I know how to share.

I am one of the crustiest assholes I know. I fucking hate people. I really do. They are more unpredictable than wild animals. Sure there are some nice ones out there. (You bunch know who you are and I love ya) There are even some exceptional ones. But more often than not I seem to come across the real honest to goodness, shitty to the last drop motherfuckers that make you want to haul ass to some mountain top with a gun, never to come back and die happily alone. But I smile at strangers and let drivers in ahead of me in traffic.

So where the fuck did the damn courtesy go from the rest of the world? Is it too damn difficult to have a pleasant tone of voice? To open a fucking door? To move over a lane to let someone in on the highway safely?? I am so fucking sick and so fucking tired of rude, self-absorbed cocksuckers going about their business not giving a damn shit about the chaos they leave in their wake.

Years ago, I was sitting in my favourite pub with my friend Matt, and I'm sure I was off on a similar rant as I am now or maybe it was just conversation, who knows. But I do remember that he was jokingly making up political platforms on which I could run my campaign for Ruler of the World. The one that stuck best was 'Becky for Marshal Law'. And you can fucking well bet your last dollar that, that is how I would take care of this shitting rudeness problem we are faced with today! Just me and my private army wiping out the fuckwits left, right and centre. I foolishly wish for simpler times really, I suppose. I am well aware that the 1950's have come and gone but dammit they knew how to be fucking polite!!

I have completely had my fill of dickheads and douchebags.

I know the grown-up thing to do is to continue being courteous and let the jackwads be jackwads but just once I would like to have a perfect Hollywood scripted moment in putting those fuckfaces straight with a glorious standing ovation from the surrounding bystanders at the end. Just once...

Say YES to courtesy!! Fucker!

An Alcoholic miracle

I bought a bottle of rum.
The cashier placed that bottle in a paper bag.
I then placed it in the trunk of my car.
After I got home and parked, I popped the trunk before I exited the vehicle and heard a disturbing and LOUD noise.
I went to the rear of the car to find that the rum had fallen from the trunk when I opened it!
My heart sank! Hot tears of frustration were at the ready!
I picked up what I thought would be the remains of my fallen buddy Bacardi only to find the bottle still intact!!
Hallelujah!! An alcoholic miracle! God be praised!!

Say YES to keeping the faith! 

Poetry Wednesday

The Kid really likes this guy, Shel Silverstein.

Happy Wednesday!

Say YES to hugs!