Saturday, June 25, 2011

How about a little common courtesy, bitch??

This post contains cursing! Like a lot! Really a lot...

I am not perfect. I am not always kind or considerate. I am not compassionate. I have road rage. And I don't like children.

I do, however, say please. And, get this, I say thank you too. I usually follow the rules. And I know how to share.

I am one of the crustiest assholes I know. I fucking hate people. I really do. They are more unpredictable than wild animals. Sure there are some nice ones out there. (You bunch know who you are and I love ya) There are even some exceptional ones. But more often than not I seem to come across the real honest to goodness, shitty to the last drop motherfuckers that make you want to haul ass to some mountain top with a gun, never to come back and die happily alone. But I smile at strangers and let drivers in ahead of me in traffic.

So where the fuck did the damn courtesy go from the rest of the world? Is it too damn difficult to have a pleasant tone of voice? To open a fucking door? To move over a lane to let someone in on the highway safely?? I am so fucking sick and so fucking tired of rude, self-absorbed cocksuckers going about their business not giving a damn shit about the chaos they leave in their wake.

Years ago, I was sitting in my favourite pub with my friend Matt, and I'm sure I was off on a similar rant as I am now or maybe it was just conversation, who knows. But I do remember that he was jokingly making up political platforms on which I could run my campaign for Ruler of the World. The one that stuck best was 'Becky for Marshal Law'. And you can fucking well bet your last dollar that, that is how I would take care of this shitting rudeness problem we are faced with today! Just me and my private army wiping out the fuckwits left, right and centre. I foolishly wish for simpler times really, I suppose. I am well aware that the 1950's have come and gone but dammit they knew how to be fucking polite!!

I have completely had my fill of dickheads and douchebags.

I know the grown-up thing to do is to continue being courteous and let the jackwads be jackwads but just once I would like to have a perfect Hollywood scripted moment in putting those fuckfaces straight with a glorious standing ovation from the surrounding bystanders at the end. Just once...

Say YES to courtesy!! Fucker!

Friday, June 24, 2011

An Alcoholic miracle

I bought a bottle of rum.
The cashier placed that bottle in a paper bag.
I then placed it in the trunk of my car.
After I got home and parked, I popped the trunk before I exited the vehicle and heard a disturbing and LOUD noise.
I went to the rear of the car to find that the rum had fallen from the trunk when I opened it!
My heart sank! Hot tears of frustration were at the ready!
I picked up what I thought would be the remains of my fallen buddy Bacardi only to find the bottle still intact!!
Hallelujah!! An alcoholic miracle! God be praised!!

Say YES to keeping the faith! 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Poetry Wednesday

The Kid really likes this guy, Shel Silverstein.

Happy Wednesday!

Say YES to hugs!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Good ole catch 22

Damned if I do, damned if I don't...

I want you to envision life as an everyday street in your neighbourhood. For most, traveling from one end of the street to the other is relatively easy to do. There might be a few potholes, stop signs or detours along the way but hopefully no roadblocks. Now imagine there is a sewer opening in your road with no cover on it and it's clearly marked with caution tape. For most if there was a sewer opening in your road without a cover and it was clearly marked, you would avoid it. You would go around it. Jump over it. Or cross the street. I see the hole. I see the caution tape. And I fall in that hole every time. So I climb out of the hole, dust myself off and start walking only to fall down a hole again. The SAME hole. It's an awful cycle that I have yet to break. One day I will learn and cross the street.

But enough about the hole that is currently sucking the awesome from me. Let's partake of a better cycle...

There's me in the background falling into my hole around 1:14.....

Say YES to breaking the cycle.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Mental stinking Monday

It's official. I hate Monday group. I missed three weeks of group and upon returning to group this week thought that maybe it had gotten on track and we would be doing some 'real' work. I arrived late only to encounter the same annoying whining about life that had been going on in past weeks. It took much restraint to keep my mouth shut and just listen about the terrible victimization of all the poor helpless women in the group. I'm angry just thinking about it now. Stupid whiny shitheads!

Today was one annoying moment after another.

Woke up late. Which means the Kid woke up late. Which means the Kid was late for school. Which means that I didn't get to the gym. Then the Kid forgot her lunch which made me late for group. Then group sucked balls which made me angry. Then I tried to go fishing but that sucked too which sent me into a tiny rage. And of course it seemed that everyone driving today was a complete moron which sent me into an actual rage. Thank God for rum!!! Dear Bacardi, I love you.

I am ridiculously annoyed today about several other things and people. To the point where I no longer want to associate with those people.

But I shall endure....

However to convey the mood I am in, I will share a picture I took yesterday while out shopping with my friend Tdot......
Don't fuck with me today.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Kid took the laptop! Not my fault!! True story.

I missed another one. My bad. But seriously the Kid took her laptop with her when she was visiting her dad this weekend. So I was left helpless...

Today was a Super Sunday! No not because it was Father's Day, (My 'father', if still alive, should do the world a favour and drop dead. But that's for another day...) but because it was 'Celebrate How Awesome my friend Tdot is!!' She is a brave, smart lady that after two years of hard college work has graduated and entered the work force and is kickin ass and taking names. I am very proud of her. So today we went and had a lovely brunch at the outdoor patio of Queenston Heights restaurant that is located on the Niagara escarpment. Delicious food, a beautiful view and great company. We took a nice drive and did some shopping. It was a simple pleasures kind of day.

I got to spend time with another special friend who is very dear to me.

I got some new plant friends and they got re-potted today.

I also tried to reach out to another friend but I'm afraid that really didn't go over so well. You can't win them all, I guess.

I used to think that it would be wonderful to be wildly popular and have a ton of friends. But now that I have become my own best friend I am so thankful for the handful of quality friends that I have been blessed with...unless it's money, quality really is better than quantity.

It is in the company
of a good friend
that the heart
finds a home.

Say YES to celebrating friendship!

Friday, June 17, 2011


The Kid is having a couple of friends over for the night so I have to do a quick post before I have to relinquish the laptop and retreat to my room while they take over the apartment.

We are heading to the carnival tonight. The same carnival that I would attend when I was a kid. In fact I lived quite close to the carnival when I was a kid and could hear all the wonderful sounds coming from it when I laid in my bed at night. The voices calling out the bingo numbers or the games. The rides. To this day, any time I smell fried onions I think of the carnival. Lion burgers. That's what the hamburgers with onions were called after the Lions Club Association that was affiliated with the event. In later years someone that had really bad body odour would be described as 'smelling like a Lion burger'.
Playing the games and getting a stuffed prize was always good. Especially the games that took no skill like the Birthday Game. You put your quarter on a month of the year and someone would spin a wheel or throw a dice and whatever month it landed on was the winner. "BIRTHDAY! BIRTHDAY! BIRTHDAY! COME PLAY THE BIRTHDAY GAME!" That was always music to my young ears. The rides were the best!

The Tilt-a-Whirl and the Scrambler were two of my favourites.

Well off we go!

Say YES to old time fun!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Now back to our regular program already in progress...

I was thinking about giving you all the low down on what I've been doing these past weeks (which is subsequently why I have not been doing much here) but there are many tiresome chores for this awesome chick to attend to...yes I am still awesome.

Speaking of awesome....

I've decided that I am no longer going to walk in the accepted fashion. I will now dance like Miss Beyonce wherever I go! To the doctor! At the bank! In the grocery store! Other women will join me and we will be a mass stomping, gyrating horde of jiggling!! And it will rule!!!

Now say YES to that!!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Go back to bed...

Yesterday was emotional and hectic and the draining effect it has on me sometimes lingers in ways I wish it wouldn't...I get angry and sad and discombobulated. When it happens from the moment you wake up, as it has with me, it would be known as the phenomenon as 'Waking up on the Wrong Side of the Bed'. I have a theory that I have a certain look to me as I tear around the apartment this morning spreading terror and chaos. I believe this is what it is...

I think I'll go back to bed and try it again.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

For the Kid...

...because she thinks it's hilarious.

The Kid thinks the animation is funny and the song is ridiculous and therefore must watch it several times a day and share it with anyone who will listen.


Call me a pig if you will but this video just doesn't sit well with me. Talk of 'celery' in a Wonderbra, where breasts are kept... Talk of his 'celery' being hard coupled with an animation of the celery going from a flaccid state to a rigid one... Talk of 'special' gloves and 'proper' handling and waving it around........
Call me a pig because there's a penis joke here.
Don't all men want to 'get down' with their penis? Haven't they all wanted to stick it between some breasts? I know they want to make sure that it's hard. That's a given. Everyone is encouraged to play safe, No GLOVE No LOVE. And having a penis wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't handled properly. However, I do believe you could get in trouble for waving it around under certain circumstances.

BUT I'm sure it's just me. Ha ha ha. I'm sure it's just a silly song about a veggie. Ha ha. Lord knows my mind keeps one foot in the gutter at all times...if you know me at all, you know it to be true.

Subliminal message much??

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


Being awesome and making the most out of life is making it incredibly difficult to follow through with any of my obligations...

I'm not blogging.

I'm not taking any pictures.

I'm not going to group. (It's so depressing.)

I'm not painting.

Mind you, having the Ex as a house guest isn't helping either....but I'll talk about that hilarious and satisfying situation another time......................

I'm always amazed at how little time we have in a day. And how we spend it doing such ridiculous and tedious things like dishes and laundry, cleaning up after kids and pets and the most annoying of all, work. Time is such a precious gift and it gets wasted so easily and so often. Our lives are passing right before our eyes. Do we really need more memories of all the things we squandered away that time on?

Choice by choice,
moment by moment,
I build the necklace of
my day, stringing together
the choices that form
artful living.
                     Julia Cameron

The past was.
Tomorrow may be.
Only today is.

Say YES to making some memories!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I'm sorry

I'm sorry. So sorry. Please accept my apology. Mistakes get made when you're reliving your youth. I promise the blog will be posted regularly from now on....

Say YES to forgiveness??

Wednesday, June 1, 2011