My dialectical behaviour therapy group is really starting to piss me off. The point of the group is to teach people with Borderline Personality Disorder mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation and distress tolerance. You see us kooky Borderline folks are characterized by what's called 'emotional dysregulation' which is almost like we have too many emotions. Now typically we are a negative self-hating bunch.
Been there, done that, got the freakin t-shirt.
So far in group little actual work has been done and there has been a lot of crying and whining and my life is hell-ing. Well if you guys haven't noticed my attitude towards myself and the world has changed radically and I want to work even harder to continue that growth and change. And that is what I fill my days with, ways in which I can continue to grow in positive ways. So when I come bouncing into group with a smile on my face ready to learn and share my positive growth only to be greeted by complaining sadsack life haters, it's a pretty big freakin harsh on my glorious mellow.
So today in group I lost it and went off on a bit of a rant. I questioned the content of the group. I questioned the leadership of the group. And I challenged, almost dared, the group members to pull their heads out of their asses. I also declared, and I quote "Coming to this group is a bummer!"
I will return next week. And I will make the best of it. I will learn something, even if I have to be my own teacher. But I won't keep my big mouth shut.
Say YES to standing up for what you want.