Friday, April 29, 2011

Starting Over

I started my day with a fairy tale. I watched the Royal wedding, not once but twice. I sucked up all the pomp and circumstance and romantic pageantry like a desperate little sponge. I am in absolute love with all of that stuff. Not that I would have admitted it to anyone before, in fact I have often said the opposite and bashed it so I wouldn't be another lame romantic loving girl.
I want my Prince. I want to be treated like a Princess. (For lack of a better term because if anyone ever called me a princess, watch the freak out!) Of course this whole concept makes me sad because I don't believe I'm the type of girl that a guy wants to treat like a princess.

And that got me thinking about how many regrets I have in my life. How many bridges I have burned. And how many things for which I feel I need to make amends. I tried to start that today (no time like the present) and that ended in tears. What's even worse is that I found out first hand just how horrible I actually am in the eyes of others. Which led to more tears.

So I thought it best to start my day again and take a hot shower and get something constructive done. So I ran a couple of errands and got my nails did. Which remarkably took up the whole day. So come the evening, being as I'm still sad and full of doubt (and have a killer headache and want to vomit because it's so bad) I thought I'd try starting my day over again and spend some quality time with the Kid.

It's easy starting your day over. You just ignore the time and do what you want, when you want to do it. But now I need to start my life over and that's a little more difficult. I can't ignore the TIME I spent. I cherished it, in fact, even the crap and anguish. The WHAT I want to do has to be different. And WHEN is all about the waiting.Waiting to heal. Waiting to let go. Waiting to forgive. Waiting to begin again. And hoping I have the courage to do it.

Say YES to brave new beginnings.


  1. I believe in new beginnings. Even multiple ones.