Thursday, April 28, 2011


The wind today was totally redonkulous! Even the Kid had some concerns over the unusual weather. (And the Kid doesn't pay attention to much of anything.) Trash everywhere. Trees damaged. Little childrens tumbling down the street like tumblin tumble weeds. Today was quite interesting and for more than just the weather. In fact I would say that the extreme wind was reflective of both my mood and the events of the day. Many ups and downs.

The day started off good. Good morning with the Kid. And I got started with the chores early.

Then I had to take a pregnant friend to the hospital which was a little hairy. On the way to the hospital I came across a dead coyote in the road. (I'm still upset about that.)

I then had a very distressing, very personal and very eye opening conversation that once again ended in me being alone and in tears.

I then did some shopping.

And found out my friend is most likely having a girl.

The Kid and I went to dinner with the Mother.

But then I came back to a virtually empty home.
No, wait...
Home isn't the right word. It's just an apartment because without his love (regardless of the problems)  it no longer feels like a home. I don't know how to start again. I'm afraid to make the same mistakes. I'm worried he may be right about me.

The wind may have died down but the pain in my heart hasn't. What if it never does?

But once again I'm being a downer so I will leave you with a poem that I wrote in elementary school that is very suitable to today.

Wind can be peaceful.
Wind can be mean.
But I like wind better than string beans.

Today I learned a couple of things. Playing games instead of being honest when it comes to matters of the heart, gets you nowhere but alone. And even more importantly, that I need to be more flexible. There's no need for me to always be the mighty oak, never wavering, because even the oak can be felled under the right circumstances as I was today by that single phone call.

Say YES to bending like a reed in the wind.


  1. Awesome insights :) And some excellent poetry! Feeling the pains and pangs are ok, as long as you are making progress, and thinking through things (which you are). Bonus points for you.

  2. Thanks Sam :) The pains and pangs have been happening for some time now (as I have caused a fair share of them as well out of fear) but there was always hope. That hope was taken away yesterday. I hate the feeling of that lump in my throat...