Saturday, April 16, 2011

What a week!

 I like to take things real easy. Having to do more than one task in a day is stressful for me. All my energy is concentrated on providing for the Kid and keeping myself safe so whenever there are other things to be accomplished in the day, I really must dig deep to hold it together or I might stroke out. I have to be very careful about what I eat, keeping up on my vitamins, taking my meds, providing myself with quiet time and regulating my sleep. If I mess up on any one of these things it could really fuck up my system. If more than one of these things gets messed up, I'm screwed.
I imagine it would be like getting sucked down by a strong undertow while swimming in the ocean. Swirling and tumbling. Being pulled deeper and deeper into the dark. Not having the bearings to know where the surface was. Struggling and panicked.

This week made me want to say to myself "Watch out for that first step, it's a doozie!"...

I had too much scheduled for myself this week. I missed doses of meds and vitamins because of over scheduling. I missed more doses because of exhaustion. (Falling dead asleep before you can even get yourself to bed sucks) The Kid is being bullied at school which is stressing me right the fuck out. I'm receiving my own form of bullying. I was plagued with horrible dreams, many of which were about a friend's dead mother. I have volunteer duties for which I am responsible. I am currently participating in two different therapies. Had five meltdowns. And I hosted two dinners and a birthday lunch. So come Friday evening, I was done and done.

No blog? Oh well.
The kitchen is a disaster? Oh well.
Laundry needs to be done and the garbage needs to go out? Oh fricking well.

The silver lining to this week (which previously I would tell you there was no silver lining, so that in itself is a step in the right direction) is a significant one. Amidst all the chaos and all the turmoil I was still able to keep my obligations. I gave much love and comfort to the Kid in her time of need. I made others happy with my cooking and hospitality. I gave of myself and took for myself without guilt. And most importantly, I survived.

There was much struggling and much panic but I reached the surface once again.

 The aftermath of being a good hostess...
And here is dear Laura's birthday cake. I called it 'The Cube'.
And a peak inside reveals...
...a pink cake with cream cheese filling.

Say YES to always trying to reach the surface.


  1. You never cease to impress me!

  2. omg. now i want cake. i am in love with the cube. <3