Thursday, February 24, 2011

I don't care to do that.

I don't care to obligate myself to do stuff. I don't care for being forced into doing stuff. I don't care for being rushed. I like being on my own personal schedule, not other people's schedules. But of course I'm an adult and I have to do all those things that I don't care to do. So what is my reward for carrying out said activities?
Headaches. Jaw aches. (from clenching my teeth) Exhaustion. Body aches. But the worst of it is the constant dump of adrenaline that I feel in my chest. If you don't automatically know what I mean, I want you to think of a situation where you were genuinely frightened. Maybe you were almost in a car accident. Maybe your kid chased after his ball into a busy street. Or maybe someone decided it would be funny to jump out at you from around a corner in a dark room. Now do you remember that uncomfortable feeling you got in your chest? That overwhelming rush of uncontrolled energy that makes you stop and catch your breath? Now imagine that happening up to 6 times a day. Imagine it lasting sometimes for an hour or more each time. That pulsating tightness in your chest and neck seemingly never ending.
It is most likely anxiety of some sort. (I'm riddled with it.) However it could be heart palpitations. I'm nearing 40. Overweight. Sedentary in lifestyle. Vitamin deficient. Poor diet. Stressed.
So to be on the safe side, I will be attending a doctor's appointment this Monday in which I will be requesting a heart monitor.

Heart irregularity or all in my head.
I'll just have to wait and see...

Today I say YES to having patience.

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